Bigger Than It All

 
****This is one of my old posts that I am leaving up.  It has earned its place on the Interwebs.



 Do you ever have days when you just feel small?  Like you just want to be a little kid again and you don't feel brave enough or smart enough or pretty enough to do anything?
   It's been a few days since I've written.  I've been waiting for one of those 'aha' moments that usually set me going on one of my flowery, glowing entries that you all seem to be fond of.  It just hasn't happened.
    Why? Because I've been feeling very small this week.
    Part of it is just the fact that it's been raining cats and dogs and I've done a lot of snuggling with my comforter and a mug of tea.
 The other part is that I realized that I will no longer be living at home in a year.  The hourglass that I've imagined as half-full for so long suddenly looks almost empty, and I'm not sure if I'm ready.
  Yes, I'm a straight A student.  Yes, I am a pretty confident person.  No, I'm not afraid of new places or new people.  But it's that faceless fear that still stirs in the back of your mind that's been doing a lot of messing with my mind and soul lately.  Will I keep my good grades or will I flop out?  Will anyone like me where I'm going?  What if I decide on the wrong path and end up doing something that I hate?
   Other questions arise - will I be able to rise to the challenge of doing something that doesn't come naturally?  Will I be able to hold a job, maintain a marriage, raise a family?  Dreaming and finding beauty and smelling roses has its place, but the real adult world seems to be rushing up on me, ready to swallow me whole.

   That is what I mean when I say I feel small.  I feel exposed and unprepared, even though I've been being prepared my whole life.   I'm scared, and who wouldn't be?
   I want the world to love me, but I know it won't.  I want people to like me, but odds are I'll have a lot of fake friends and real enemies.  I long to be kept safe and happy and cared for, but I'm no longer a child.  The time has come to give up my teddy bear and start wrestling for every meal, every gallon of gas, every light bulb and load of laundry.
    Reality is terrifying.  Growing up looks terrifying, too - at least right now.  It looks like I'm sailing straight into a storm, and I can't avoid it, and I'm scared to death my little boat will be ripped to pieces.
   Won't someone bigger, faster, smarter, stronger, come and tell me it's okay?

   And yet....
 
   Even in all this eminent chaos, I have this inexplicable, calming peace.  On my own, I know I don't stand a chance.  But I do have someone on my team who knows what's coming down the road.  He knows the right way to do things, and He's willing to show it to me if only I will stop being stubborn and actually listen to what He has to say.  He is stronger than the most dastardly enemy, devastating tragedy, frustrating failure...
   I'm going to be okay.  Even in the storm, He will hold my little boat together, and guide me toward a brighter, better shore.
   You see, I know that even though everything is so much bigger than I am, God is bigger than it all.

                                                                                   Rosie


P.S.

      Matthew 6: 25-27, 33&34.

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worryf about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.g Are you not much more valuable than they?h 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your lifee?i

V. 33&34

 33 But seek first his kingdomm and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.n 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.